Tears Dont Fall

I dont understand. Okay all you people out there know that it takes alot for me to get fully upset about something. I mean im alright if someone is really ticking me off then il tell them where to go, but i have this thing. I dont understand how such harsh words can be said between so many people.(especially ones who are supposed to be on the side lines) and then they both go "golly gosh im sorry, lets be friends". alrighty. if im not talking to someone its for a reason. its more than just hurt feelings. I DONT LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY ONE THING AND MEAN ANOTHER AND ARE TWO FACED AND PROMISE TO NOT DO THINGS THEN GO AHEAD AND DO THEM. yes i am ranting. but im angry and its boiling and i have no one to talk to so here it goes I DONT CARE THAT THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HALF OF YOU AND IS ONLY DIRECTED TO A FEW PEOPLE, MY MSN IS FUCKED AND I REALLY DONT FEEL LIKE HAVING A MYSPACE CHAT ABOUT THIS.EVERYBODY IS GOING TO SEE THIS AND FOR ONCE I DONT CARE. (btw this blog is directed at certain people and im not just talking about one person so hopefully all the people im being angry at in this blog realise who they are and dont go "oh sorry" i am so freaking bored of hearing those words since they seem to mean nothing anymore) Remember when i asked you for one thing? do you remember that? and then you were like "meh" and did what i asked you not to do? and remember how i was like " can you just stay out of this for a bit. i would prefer if communication between you guys didnt exist until things are sorted out"??are you actually retarted? i mean i hardly ask for anything but still you do it. and what the hell. YOU CANT JUST SAY SORRY AND THINK EVERYONE WILL FORGIVE YOU, IT DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT! THINGS TAKE TIME. ALOT OF FEELINGS AND FRIENDSHIPS HAAVE BEEN FUCKED BY ALL OF THIS AND IM SICK OF IT! i cant be fucked with all of this. AND BILBY PLEASE STOP COMMENTING ON SITUATIONS THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW SHIT ALL ABOUT ! gosh im angry....
GRRRRRR
stop all of this "i have to be nice to them even though i hate them " crap okay people? your just as bad as that said person if you dont stand up and say how you feel. I AM NOT SAYING TO GO AHEAD AND BE A TOTALL WANKER TO A PERSON YOU DONT LIKE. what i am saying is im sick of hearing all of these people be like "arg i fucking hate blahblahblah" and then going up and being all bestmates with them.
AND FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE=
I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF PEOPLE THINK I HAVE CHANGED. I DONT WANT TO SEE PEOPLE DEBATING OVER THAT FACT ALL OVER OUR BLOGGING COMMUNITY OKAY? I AM WHO I AM. STOP TELLING ME IM DIFFERENT OR THAT IM NOT THERE ANYMORE. IM SICK OF BEING TOLD THAT IM DOING SOMETHING IM NOT OR BEING TOLD THAT I JUST FUCKING WALK AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS WHEN THEY NEED ME. I MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS. NOW CAN YOU ALL LEAVE ME ALONE? I DONT WANT TO BE PART OF THIS ANYMORE. AND I DONT CARE WHAT IT TAKES. IL DELETE THIS MY BLOGGER ACOUNT IF I HAVE TO.

IF YOU SAY SOMETHING AND YOU MEAN IT BUT FEEL MEAN AFTERWARDS OR REALISE HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET PISSED WHEN THEY READ YOU SAYING IT THEN FOR FUCK'S SAKE PLEASE STOP BLAMING IT ON
A)YOUR ANGER
B)YOUR UPSET
C)OTHER FREAKING PEOPLE

stop blaming me for stuff i havent done. during this whole thing i have been there for everyone. and i know for sure who exactly are the people who mean the most.i have been hurt so much through all this
did you know when i did that shit to my wrist it hurt less than the things people have accused me of?
im sick of all this. and im actually glad im not in Australia because of it.
its like fucking world war 3 back in Perth.
im sick of feeling abused.
im sick of feeling angry.
im sick of feeling hurt.
im sick of feeling like i have to put on a strong face for those around me.
dont you guys realise im weak? its destroying me. I'll keep on doing it though. cause thats what im needed for. you guys are my reason of existence.
When my friends cry, i cry for them.
when they are hurting i hurt too.
I cried the whole night after the ryan thing cause i was so worried about Meg.
When Lauz did that thing to her leg i started crying cause i was so worried and upset for her.
Do you see what i mean when i say im not strong?
i cant stand it anymore.
the strangest thing is,
I miss you all so much.
Rayne