When did I start letting my mothers opionions effect me? I don’t remember giving her the power to make me cry and hurt. Did it happen over time ? how can somebody who is supposed to make you feel beautiful, safe and loved make you want to be away from them and dread being in the same place as them.
How come I have retreated to my room and made it my safe place? Why do I feel safest when I am on my own? Why do I let her effect me? Whenever my mother decides that I am not being perfect, she decides to criticize me, she knows how it effects me and that is why she does it. But why does she have to be so mean? What does it meen when a daughter looks forward to the time period inbetween getting home from school and her mother coming home. Why should I dread her coming home?
It isn’t right that a mother should be able to make her daughter cry after saying a few choice words that she knows will hurt her. Mothers are supposed to be warm and caring. Mine constantly calls me a bitch, nasty, idiotic, uncaring, spoilt and ungrateful. I am sick of feeling this way. I don’t want to push my mother away. But it is the only way I can sort things. Every time I think things are going to be okay between her and me, she turns around and ruins the moment by saying something like “you know you can be such a bitch sometimes”.
That is why I sometimes cry and come to school looking dead. Its hard to be happy, when your told your not worthy of anything or anyone.
How would you like it if your mother told you that you were going to end up alone and she wonders why you have friends at all ?
How come I have retreated to my room and made it my safe place? Why do I feel safest when I am on my own? Why do I let her effect me? Whenever my mother decides that I am not being perfect, she decides to criticize me, she knows how it effects me and that is why she does it. But why does she have to be so mean? What does it meen when a daughter looks forward to the time period inbetween getting home from school and her mother coming home. Why should I dread her coming home?
It isn’t right that a mother should be able to make her daughter cry after saying a few choice words that she knows will hurt her. Mothers are supposed to be warm and caring. Mine constantly calls me a bitch, nasty, idiotic, uncaring, spoilt and ungrateful. I am sick of feeling this way. I don’t want to push my mother away. But it is the only way I can sort things. Every time I think things are going to be okay between her and me, she turns around and ruins the moment by saying something like “you know you can be such a bitch sometimes”.
That is why I sometimes cry and come to school looking dead. Its hard to be happy, when your told your not worthy of anything or anyone.
How would you like it if your mother told you that you were going to end up alone and she wonders why you have friends at all ?
when will i be able to feel as though she is my mummy not my mother?
It hurts.
Rayne
xxxxxxxxx
2 comments:
*Hug* There there...
I hate the sound of running water because of my father. Guess it's just natural to mess up your kids then I guess...
its not fair that bad stuff happens to good people. if i had my way every parent who ever made their kid feel like shit would be executed:) im way too sadistic...
but generally iv found that people who are unhappy with their family's turn out to be nicer, beter, more awsome people. take everyone of my friends for example:P
someday it will all work out fine. its just a matter of holding out till that time comes. it will eventually. the sun will shine again.
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