i read books or watch movies that make me want to change the person i am. for example, when i read twilight and its sequels the first time round, i desperately wanted to be Bella. but the second time round i was inspired to be Alice. is it because i idolise these people that makes me want to be change ? or is it because i regret some of the things that i have said/done in the past year?
we all create our own reputation. i regret the one i have made for myself. i do don't want to be the person people think of when they hear the word " wild" or "bitchy". i just want to be myself and be accepted as myself. i don't want to have to be the person people want me to be or the person that is desperate for attention especially as it means dressing slutty and being loud.that is not me.
people don't realise that the person behind the OTT,loud and crazy mask,is just a quiet girl who's to do list involves reading,shopping,becoming a vampire and being accepted by the people around me. now i have had a chance to think about it, i think a balance between Alice and Bella will do. it would be perfect.
but even though i inspire to be these people,i know that no matter what i portray myself as on the outside as, i will always just be me. to be honest i don't know much about the real me except that i am a rather nerdy and clumsy person. lets hope i find out more about the girl inside in the coming year.
any way,on a lighter note, who wants to be a vampire ???
Raynie :D
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3 comments:
there are many things i dont agree with in your post but im not going to voice some because as your best friend i do not think that you should hear the things people are saying about you.
you say that you are just a quiet girl and all that but i do not think that is really you. even when its just us you are always going to get alcohol and talking about what you did with this guy on the weekend or something.
You go out all the time for like picnics and shopping etc. and when you meet up with people you always act really OTT and everything like you said. but the people who you act the most OTT around are your true friends. so im saying that that is the person you are. unless you never act yourself around anyone which is strange because as your bestie you know i will love you no matter what. so why put on a mask around me? unless its not a mask and it really is you.
people dont think of you when they think 'wild' or 'bitchy'. bitches are people like Jo the Bully or Alice (from school). and when they think wild they dont particularly think you because you dont tell anyone but your closest friends what you have really been up to and we dont judge you on those things.
so that is how you see yourself 'wild' and 'bitchy' and because you dont want to be these things you say that they are not you and all that but that is how you perceive yourself and only you can change that.
and i dont want to be a vampire. or at least i dont need to want to be a vampire. i already am one:) and most of the people in our year know this. hurrah!
xox
I had a long comment for this but everything went to hell before i finished it so here is a NEW AND IMPROVED (or just plain slightly worse) comment just for this post!
OK, for starters... i know someone out there (most likely you) will get angry at me and hit me (but you always hit me so meh) but I just have to mention that... Bella is annoying. She is a pathetic character with no particularly intersting qualities and is quite frankly... kinda antisocial. She comes to forks and doesnt even really care what her friends say half the time shes just with them for the sake of having friends. She is also incredibly unstable and breaks down like hell in New Moon... NO ONE ON EARTH DOES THAT! She is INCREDIBLY easy to emotionally cripple (even more so than u) and physically is easy to cripple too. Ur a life saver! life saver or pathetic girl who falls down on flat surfaces and cant do anything besides cook? U dont envy what Bella is like u envy what Bella has: Edward.
Alice on the other hand is nice, kind, confident and eccentric and happy :D Alice is good! feel free to be like Alice (although I like u just the way u r :) i like u...)
now that we're on the subject of u and not some irritating random fictional character (that is deliberately written to be pathetic... seriously i dont see y anyone could possibly want to be like her) id just like to mention that i dont think of u when i hear those words... that honour is reserved for other people :P i accept you for you... or whatever u appear to be. im sure the alternative u is just as good :)
i originally said something about me being an attention seeker (see? u dont need to be slutty to get attention! i dont act slutty, in fact i am quite the gentleman like Edward and have the constant mission in my head to behave) but i dont remember it or the point... but i remember mentioning the time we were in ur backyard and u wondered if the plant was edible....
... so i ate it...
Nerdyness and clumsiness r both very nice qualities :) Well, nerdyness is great :D clumsiness is.... not. it can be amusing though for those around u :D (hey here's something thats relevant but not entirely what ud like to hear i think.... Sam is incredibly clumsy :P she can hurt herself incredibly easily and falls over all the time and its hilarious for everyone involved and she doesnt care because shes accepted that its part of who she is so she laughs too.... and when she laughs she rofl's.... mainly because she has fallen onto the floor so its hard not to rofl if ur laughing... on the floor)
but nerdyness is good :) hey who DOESNT like the sexy librarian? there r unfortunately not many sexy librarians out there but oh well... Lorna's into books so I guess that's sorta- anyhoo moving on from that :P
i think there is nothing wrong with who u r... only what u think about urself :)
(P.S. aspire to be not inspire to be btw...)
I also do not need to want to be a vampire for i am already one....
...although being immortal would be very boring and depressing if anyone you knew would inevitably die before you...
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